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The Drunken Leprechaun

Several years ago I threw a St. Patrick’s Day themed birthday party for my (now ex) wife. Being that this was Brandee’s 30th birthday and things were getting a bit rocky marriage-wise, I pulled out all of the stops to make a good impression. ( I didn’t really expect that hosting a party would heal all wounds, but at least I could get drunk – and being inebriated helps any situation, right? ) Friends came in from out of town and state, the house was festooned in green and gold, and my friend Ann wandered about reciting Irish sayings in a very authentic sounding Irish brogue. There was even a chocolate fountain for Pete’s sake!

 

My favorite bit for the party was the drink menu. I crafted a menu full of yummy drinks with interesting little sayings, then printed it out and stuck it on the bar. Even got an authentic “Drunken Leprechaun” to pose for the cover (see below). It was a hit with the guests. The experience of having my mother-in-law asking me for “Sex on the Beach” is not one I will soon forget.

 

In honor of the weekend, I present the menu from the Drunken Leprechaun. It’s not guaranteed to save your relationship, but it will bring a blush to your cheeks and a smile to your face.

 

Drink menu from “The Drunken Leprechaun”.

 

The resemblance between the "Drunken Leprechaun" and Ross Perot is uncanny!

The resemblance between the "Drunken Leprechaun" and Ross Perot is uncanny!

Banana Balm: “Soothes even the Angriest Leprechaun”

Vodka base with Banana liqueur, ginger ale and a splash of lime.

IRA Bomb: “ Even Lord Mountbatten ordered this….once

Irish Crème and Irish whiskey, over Ice.

Irish Highball: “The annual High Ball is the height of the Leprechaun social season. Some think their Balls should be held every night.”

Irish whiskey and ginger ale, over Ice.

Irish Kiss: “ You haven’t lived until you’ve heard “Detroit Rock City” on the harp and pipe.”

Irish whiskey, Peach schnapps, OJ and a large chug of ginger ale, over Ice.

Irish Spring: “ This tastes nothing like soap.”

Peach schnapps, Irish whiskey, OJ, Sour Mix, over ice. Garnished with a cherry and orange.

Kamikaze: “Drink too many of these and you’ll be yelling  “Tora, Tora, Tora” from the rooftop.”

Triple sec (orange liqueur), Vodka and lime juice, over Ice.

Orgasm: “Would you like to see my “O” face?”

Irish Cream and Peppermint schnapps. Very sweet drink.

Purple Passion: “Little known fact: Purple Passion is the name of Strawberry Shortcake’s cat.”

Grape juice, Vodka and ginger ale, over Ice.

Scotch, Single Malt: “Straight from the Good Lord’s very own still.”

Scotch. On the rocks or not. Your call.

Sex on the Beach: “ Drink good. Sand Bad.”

 Vodka, Peach schnapps,  OJ and cranberry juice, over Ice,.

ST Patrick’s Green Cocktail: “ Great for quenching the thirst at the end of a long snake wrangling job.”

Melon liqueur, Sour mix and Sprite, over Ice.

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Back at the Blogyard

My Post-Divorce Malaise (PDM) has subsided and I’m refreshed, ready to once again don the mantle of jester-pundit and right (write?) the wrongs of the world with wit and words. To this end, abounding alliterative phrases and fake-names will be used with impunity. (Lest you think I am being completely altruistic, I must disclose that my parents are half-owners of a hyphen farm in Honalo, Hawaii.)

The new blog is named “Junk Drawer Prophet” because that was the only available name that fits my needs.

Let me explain. No, there is too much. Let me sum up.

 
The “junk drawer” theme was settled upon right away. I wanted to write about whatever struck my fancy. A “junk drawer” is an accidental collection of disparate items that are occasionally useful and interesting. Reach in the pile – sometimes you’ll come up with a dead battery, other times the green margarita necklace from Red Lobster (Score!).

 
Problem! “The Junk Drawer” was already in use. Damn! Re-think. How about “Junkyard” and for good measure, use a word-play on my middle name, Profit? “Junkyard Prophet” is an awesome name. Sounds like a Rock Band – which it is. A Rap-Rock band like Faith No More. Damn. Next.

 
I already had the junk drawer and glowing-prophet guy images, so what the hell. Strange combination, yes, but seemingly strange combinations are sometimes very cool – peanut butter and chocolate, Siegfried and Roy (pre Montecore), Liza Minelli and David Gest……::Ahem::.

Anyhow, “Junk Drawer Prophet” it is. Hope you enjoy the ride.

09/05/08

09/05/08

Corners turned, wheels moving, back on track.

Across the Universe.

There and Back Again.

First Star to the right.

Last Rest Stop for 24 miles.

Course certain. Destination Unknown.

Today feels Significant, but I am not sure why. I think it is one of those things that can only be informed by hindsight.

Check back later, there may be Answers.

This week while on vacation John and Stacey shared the good news that their family will soon be expanding! Woo Hoo!!

While it is still early, the happy couple have started thinking of names. The leading contenders are: Gary Busey and Aunt Helen.

I, of course had to add my suggestions: Apocalypse, Acid Bath, Captain Tight Pants, and Occasional Lover. All are great names for a cat – although the last one is a bit creepy.

Yes. A cat. Seriously now, who (besides Frank Zappa) would name thier child Apocalypse or Acid Bath??

Pie Haiku

Behold the wonders of pie!

Sweet strawberry pie
Crunchy soft, creamy whipped top
sadness is banished

(I was feeling a bit rundown after a long day at work. I went to my mother-in-law’s house to hang for a bit and she offered pie. Not wanting to be rude, I accepted 🙂 It helped. )

In my in box from a friend of a friend

Subject: MEDIA BIAS…again: Iraq news on soldiers and who they will vote for President –

MORE BIAS FROM ABC…it never fails to amaze me. We all see it in the local news…it is rare to see an unbiased report!BB

From a friend in Texas: My niece, Katelyn, stationed at Baluud , Iraq was assigned, with others of her detachment, to be escort/guard/watcher for Martha Raddatz of ABC News as she covered John McCain’s recent trip to Iraq . Katelyn and her Captain stood directly behind Raddatz as she queried GI’s walking past. They kept count of the GI’s and you should remember these numbers. She asked 60 GI’s who they planned to vote for in November. 54 said John McCain, 4 for Obama and 2 for Hillary. Katelyn called home and told her Mom and Dad to watch ABC news the next night because she was standing directly behind Raddatz and maybe they’d see her on TV. Mom and Dad of course, called and emailed all the kinfolk to watch the newscast and maybe see Katelyn.

Well, of course, we all watched and what we saw wasn’t a glimpse of Katelyn, but got a hell’ uva view of skewed news. After a dissertation on McCain’s trip and speech, ABC showed 5 GI’s being asked by Raddatz how they were going to vote in November; 3 for Obama and 2 for Clinton . No mention of the 54 for McCain.

My response:
This “article” is from a Right-wing website who’s sole purpose is to bash the Left.
http://www.americanconservativedaily.com/2008/06/how-the-media-twists-the-news/
Notice how the only source is “a friend in Texas”? Why is this nameless friend any more credible source than the Evening News. I am not saying that the news is credible either, just that in order to be valid a source needs to be identified as more than “a friend in Texas”. I suppose if you are pre-disposed to believe that the Democrats are Evil and Republicans are Good, then a nameless, unverifiable source is good enough for you. I however tend to make my decisions based on fact…and this just doesn’t pass the test.

::sigh::

I wish people would base thier politcal positions on something more than innuendo and tales in the dark from nameless, faceless friends.

My Cats Hate Christmas….

…if not, why would they piss on my tree?

Alex came over last night to help decorate the house for Christmas. Before long the banister was festooned with gold garland and jingle bells, the Happy Holiday mat laid out to greet visitors with good tidings and the Nutcracker soldiers set in their silent vigil over my holiday room.

Next we removed the tree from the box. It smelled a little musty so we hurriedly set it up to air out. Bad idea. The sulfuric stench of cat urine billowed from the plastic boughs of Wal-Mart’s finest pre-light artificial tree. Seriously. Billowed. As in poured forth like a gust of toxic wind. I saw the cats flee, Alex fall over as if stuck with a taser and the Nutcrackers put their gas masks on.

Fortunately, I was upwind of the odiferous blast and managed to pull the “Pissmas” tree out to the front porch. After a phone call to Chris and a trip to the store, I was spraying my tree down with a vinegar, water and Febreeze concoction. That seemed to help a little bit but honestly it could just be that the cold night air masked the smell.

So, now my tree is out on the porch. My original intent was to leave it to air out for a couple of days, now I kind of like it there. It does look a bit redneck trailer-parkish but it also seems to sum up my year – still standing, just a bit pissed on. (Did that sound bitter? ).

The cats seem to like the tree on the porch as well. They sit on the heater and paw at it through the window. Every so often one of the cats will meow/growl at the stinky fake Fir as if to remind the tree what will happen if it ever enters the house again.