Archive for the ‘Firefly’ Category

According to Elton John (and Bernie Taupin) Saturday Night’s Alright (For Fighting) but I by far prefer Serenity.

Yes, I watched it again for about the 100th time (three times this week alone). Nothing like a couple of laughs and a fight or two to calm the nerves.

Originally I wrote much more angsty crap for this post but I decided to cut it out. My good buddy Rich wants me to get back to the original intent of this blog – poking fun at Midgets, Anal Jokes and Home Pornography – so I’ll try to accommodate him.

My fellows, I fart in your general direction. If you’re a midget you might want to not stand so close. If you are a naked midget with digital camera, give me a call.



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Many things have happened since my last post, but I don’t feel like writing about most of them. Here’s a few that I do:

  1. Went to the Renfest this past weekend with a bunch of friends. It was gloomy, slightly chilly, drizzly wet and a lot of fun. My wife got a bit tipsy and I got to tromp in the mud while scanning the merchants booths for “end of the Fest” sales. Good times.
  2. Viewed Serenity on the anniversary of the BDM. Firefly and Serenity are two of my “very favorite” movies and it just seemed like the right thing to do.
  3. There is a walnut tree dropping softball size nuts in my backyard. I don’t want to take the time to pick them up but the yard needs to be mowed. If I mow over them, I will wreck the mower. This is the same damn tree that is constantly dropping branches in my yard.
  4. I just decided to write another post about the damn walnut tree. My wrath requires more soothing than a simple paragraph can supply.
  5. Been working a lot on my Serenity game. This is fun for me, but probably boring for most of the rest of the population. Luckily I have a very understanding wife (who is also expressing at least a passing interest in the movies).
  6. Need to clean the damn house and get things ready for winter

More later.

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Back for the Fall Season

AAANNDD We’re Back!

More correctly, I am back. After a long hiatus, On The Stick has returned for the fall schedule. Damn near got cancelled but Jayne from “Knitting Today” held out for more money and so OTS snuck in.

So, what can you expect to see in the second season?

— A Randy/Gina story or two. I think I am finally ready to write this down.

— The Bozo Story. Yes. The Bozo the Clown Story. The Clown and I have a history and it is time for a full accounting. That Clown is going down.

— The startling conclusion to the Sith Witch story.

— More Gamer stuff. I didn’t touch on this too much last season but this year I plan on showing my gamer geekiness in it’s full glory. Those with weak stomachs may want to avert their gaze.

— The usual drivel about my life and escapades.

— And of course, more naked marsupials. (I have been assured by legal counsel that it is ok to look, just don’t touch. And be certain to wipe the hard drive.)

That’s the quick run down. Should be a wild ride. I hope you stay tuned.


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Felicity Made Me Do It

Yes. Felicity.

Miss Auburn Curly Locks.

She must be brought to justice to account for her malicious attacks on my sanity.

How could a fictional character played by a 110 lb actress (I am guessing) so thoroughly frustrate big ole me (just leave it at “big”… ok?) that within the space of three hours I go from enjoying a calm “Gordon-Night” to swearing like a sailor in front of a store clerk?

Here’s my tale. Listen and learn.


It was Saturday night. My wife had “woman things to do” and released me from any husbandly duties to spend the night as I would. Oh and since she was spending money, I could also spend a like amount.

WHA??? Gordon-Night. Here is money. Have fun…This did not compute. I felt something was up and started to question the whole situation but then thought better of it. Instead I just grinned like a stooge, took the money and ran.

Thirty minutes later I was at Best Buy looking to add the Firefly DVD (Joss Whedon Scifi-Western TV show) to my collection. I scanned the shelf but did not see it. It should be there, right between Felicity and Fraggle Rock. Maybe it was out of order. Nope. It was also not hiding behind the huge stack of Felicity season 1 dvds. Maybe it was somewhere else in the store? Nada. I finally broke down and asked a clerk for assistance.

“It should be right here, next to Felicity.”


“Hmm. I don’t … oh here it is.”

“Nope. That’s a Kevin Costner movie.”

“Isn’t he in it?”


The clerk finally decided to check the computer to see if there were any Firefly DVDs left.

Ten minutes later the clerk informed me that there weren’t any copies in the store but eight were on order and asked if I would like to wait until Monday for a copy. I also could order it online and she would waive the delivery fees. While this was a reasonable suggestion, I was no longer in a reasonable mood. I wanted the Firefly DVD and I wanted it now.

I left in a bit of a huff and continued my quest at the nearby Circuit City. Family Guy, Felicity, blank space, Fraggle Rock. I checked the blank space for any invisible copies of Firefly. Zilch. Looked in the general area. Zed. Tore apart the double shelf space occupied by Felicity season 3 just in case Firefly was hiding behind Keri Russell’s restored locks. Zippo. Finally I asked a clerk.
“Four Copies are on or…. “

Before the clerk could say “der” I was out the door and on my way to Border’s. This time, instead of looking for the DVD myself, I would ask the clerk first. Maybe a change in strategy would help me capture the elusive beast.

“Do you have the Firefly DVD”, I asked with equal tones of hopefulness and despair.

Click. Click. “Sure do. We have four copies. Let me show you where they are”.

I followed the clerk with the anticipation of a child on Christmas morning. Finally the object of my grail quest was at hand.

“Here it is. Umm..nope. Sorry this is Felicity, season 2. Must have gotten filed wrong.”

Ya that, or Keri Russell has made it her personal business to screw up my Gordon-Night. If I had a pair of shears right then I would’ve lopped off the rest of her hair. New do’s for every one! Just give me five minutes and I’ll make Border’s look like a Super-Cuts. Ahhhhh!

So I went to the mall and checked every store selling DVDs. Nothing. Not even blank space any more. Where the Firefly-blank space should have been, there were Felicity DVDs all piled up in a mammoth vertical stack like a giant middle finger. SHE was not playing around anymore. I wanted to scream, “Screw you, Felicity”, but that would have been traumatic to the kids checking out Fraggle Rock.

After a few minutes of stewing in my car, I hit upon a last desperate plan. I would check out the Sam Goodies in Owosso (my home town). This particular Sam Goodies is notoriously understocked, but I figured I could take one last shot.

“Do you have Firefly”, I said wearily.

“Its not out yet.”

“Yes it is” and how much is Keri Russell paying you to say that?

“OK. Let me check. Firefly, the Complete Series. We have eight.”

And that’s when I snapped.

“Hot Damn. I’ll be dipped in chicken shit!”

I have never said those words before (at least not all together in one sentence). “Dipped in chicken shit”? What? It was like a faith healer released my inner sailor and I was speaking in tongues. Maybe I was momentarily channeling George Carlin. I don’t know.

What I do know, is that I finally have my gorram Firefly DVD. And it is gorram Shiny.

I also know that I owe the clerk at Sam Goodies an apology.

Sorry I made you jump dude. But you have to know it wasn’t my fault.

Felicity made me do it.

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